A Picture is Worth...

I wrote this earlier in the year, inspired by a bit of melancholy I usually have around my birthday:


Sentimentality compells me to put down a few words on the occasion of the anniversary of my birth, and I pretty sure that I can weave something together that fits the occasion.

I was fascinated by reading one of those astrological birth charts on myself, I found one on a website where you enter your info and it gives you the interpretation. Now if you are sceptical in any way about astology, you'll think that this was a big waste of time. But the really frightening thing is how much it really hit the target. I even cross checked it against a couple of random people who I know, and theirs were just as accurate. There's always a couple of things that you think "really? Never imagined myself as that". But it's enough to make a cynic think twice.

Sentimentality was one of the traits it mentioned--"very sentimental. easily moved. Melancholic, romantic" However, the weakness of this was "risky and confused loves. insane hopes". So I'd say pretty close to accurate.

Which of course is a perfect segue, because part of my sentimentality (or my melancholy, it could be argued) revolves around insane hopes. I came across some pictures recently--in two cases they were remnants of things in the past, the third was a harsh reminder of a huge disappointment. And yet, further examination has re-shaped the original thoughts I had when I first saw each of them.

The first picture is a reminder of where I am at this minute, and how I got here in sort of a roundabout way. It is a portrait of optimism, and a memoir of resentment at the same time. But it probably deserves a place in the trash can, because it was just a product of insane hopes.

The second was a reminder of how I distort certain realities and let wishful thinking go amok. A subsequent viewing of a different, more recent photo of the subject brought me to a realization that sometimes it's not a bad thing when you don't get what you hope for.

The third shot is one probably the one that bothers me the least, but has a very significant lesson in being at the right place at the right time. Or maybe it's the idea that I hesitate when I should be decisive, but the message is one I've already come to grips with.

I needed the experiences reflected in those 3 photos, I needed the lesssons learned from each one. I don't know if I'd be the same person without each of them, as much as they have forced me to examine myself in great depth. I don't know if I'm a better person, but I'm certainly more aware of my insecurities and doubts.

Selah