Finding my Way

Blow the cobwebs off of this thing and see where my brain might lead us. There's no guarantee it won't be a bummer...
Well, here we are again on February 14, and there is a distinct sense of isolation in the air. By all rights, I shouldn't be alone this time around. I worked at a relationship, honestly and sincerely. But what was always going to be a bit of an uphill struggle was made precipitously more difficult by not really being able to trust the guide I was following. When you have no faith in the directions you're supposed to be using, you lack the faith in yourself to change course. Even the attempts you make to navigate by instinct are compromised by uncertainty and self doubt.

I find this to be a common theme in all of the romantic failings of my past. Sometimes I was too stubborn to follow the charted course, and sometimes I was just unlucky to have picked the wrong route. There is evidence to argue I was to blame for every one of those relationships not working out, and there is also enough to argue the opposite. The fact that I can admit that has taken a lot of soul searching through the years. The fact I have had to do it without the barest minimum of feedback is nothing short of amazing. Or outrageous if you like.

Still, you'd think I would've at least accidentally stumbled onto the right path at least once. I can't possibly be so stupid to always get lost on the lonely highway of love. Or am I?

Maybe the reason no one can or will help is that no one really knows what path I need or want to be headed down. Maybe I have not stated the reasons and rationale for aiming for a specific destination.
But perhaps dreaming of places you'd like to go is better suited to the young. Maybe I'm to the point where I should be happy letting the current take me wherever it goes, even if it to nowhere.

I'd like to think not, but there isn't anything on the horizon giving much hope.

Selah